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Juxtaposition: maybe he really is into me.

So last week I met this guy, and on Tuesday we went on a double date -- which turned out to be one of the most fun dates I have ever been on. He asked if he could call me at the end of it, and I said yes. I am really enjoying this step by step asking for permission, letting me know he's interested in continuing. I'm one of those internet people. I learned how to type before I learned how to write. I've got a livejournal, a twitter, a quillpill, a flickaday, a facebook, and apps for most of them on my iPhone. I'm really plugged in. But you know what? I am loving this no-online-contact thing this guy and I have going. He hasn't even friended me on facebook. He doesn't text. He calls, when he says he will, and we get togther in person. There's none of that ambiguity -- none of that 'are we getting involved, or are we just fbook messaging?'

Tuesday we went on a date, and yesterday he called me to see if we could get together this weekend. I mentioned I was going out dancing (the same bar we met at last week,) and by the end of the conversation he said I could count on seeing him there. And he showed, and we danced, and at the end of the night he reminded me about our date Saturday and asked if he could kiss me goodnight.

So, giddy me, right? I love first dates, first kisses, seeing how things go, getting to know someone new.

Yesterday I started reading He's Just Not That Into You. Now, for background, I always thought I would hate this book. I had a friend in high school who swore by it, but she also said that finding out that I believe in true love was akin to "discovering that someone really believes in the Road to El Dorado or that maybe the Tooth Fairy really DID put that money under my pillow." I'd flipped through it before in bookstores, and I thought it was selling a very specific type of relationship, the type that did not appeal to girls like me. By "girls like me," I mean girls who believe in true love, who enjoy long term monogamous relationships, who consider being married essential to living my life the way I want it (at least, in the long run.) But, remember, I was in high school.

It's about four years since that letter my friend wrote me, comparing love to the tooth fairy. Coming off of an abrupt rejection, I picked up He's Just Not That Into You almost as a joke. It was obvious the guy I had been seeing wasn't that into me: he got a girlfriend, put the relationship on facebook, didn't bother to tell me, and honestly hasn't spoken to me since. I thought it would be an interesting read, as my first foray back into the dating world turned out to be such a spectacular failure.

But then C. entered the picture last week, and I didn't have a chance to start the book until yesterday. I read the multiple introductions and then started into Chapter One: "he's just not that into you if he's not asking you out." The subtitle is "Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out." This book is in question and answer form, girls writing in about their guys, their relationships, and their excuses, and Greg Behrendt responding.

I thought maybe this would be a bad time for me to start reading this book. From flipping through it, I thought it was meant for women who were in angry-at-men mode. I'm in happy-go-lucky-I-have-a-crush mode. I could not have been more wrong. I have laughed out loud at this book. I've called friends to read parts aloud to them. I have now read chapter one and chapter two: "he's just not that into you if he's not calling you (men know how to use the phone.)" And it's reassuring not only to know that if he's 'just not that into me,' life is not over, but also to hear the things said like
"The big question here is, 'Is it okay for a guy to forget to call me?' I'm saying to you, 'No.' . . . he should never forget to call you. If I like you, I don't forget you, ever."
It gives me perspective. And it makes me smile that C. calls when he says he will, takes me on dates -- in short, he hasn't given any of Greg's signs for being not that into me.

And it's helping me suppress my impulse to call him. Don't rush things, I tell myself. He says he will call you, wants to call you, so just chill. Sometimes I feel high maintenence, letting him do 'all the work,' but hell, isn't that what guys do in relationships? I'm a good traditional Southern girl. We went on the double date, and the girl who came with just moved here from way up north, and at one point she pulled me aside and said "J. has paid for everything -- I feel bad." and I said "What do you mean? It's a first date. The guys pay. Don't worry about it; it's how their mommas raised them." We can pull the twenty first century woman-paying-for-a-date on the second or third date. Let him handle the first one. 



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